Exactly a week ago, we lost you my daddy dearest.
And life as I know it - will never be the same.
My heart is numb for it has been shattered into bits and pieces and I”m struggling to pick up these pieces to move on. But this will be the hardest for all of us for everything around us reminds me of you.
It has been a few months of roller coaster ride for the entire family and we always thought you would pull thru each time. But this time, GOD decided to be selfish and we’re now left to deal with the biggest hole in our hearts.
I wish I could turn back time. I wish I could have taken your place instead. I wish GOD would have given you more time with us. I wish and wish and wish that things could go back to what they were. Sometimes I just shut my eyes and wish so hard that it hurts. But wishes are pointless and a stranger in times like this.
Instead now we’re just left to live on without you, which will be the hardest thing to do. Its in many ways a living hell when the one you truly love is no longer with you.
Why do good people go so soon? Why did you have to go esp when you were so full of life and had the kindest heart? I”m struggling to understand this and my heart bleeds just trying to understand.
Sairah has been asking everyday about you. She misses you, she loves you so dearly, she even said she wants to go to heaven to visit you just so she can see and hug you once again. I know that’s how much love you both have for each other.
She is your biggest love no doubt, and you were most proud of her.Your phone is filled with many photos of her. I promise you Sairah will forever remember you and I shall mould her to be a great person just like you. As it is, she has so many traits that remind me of you.
And me? I just miss everything about you! From the way you used to cough, to our silly arguements, to you pestering me into having a second child….just.about.everything Daddy. Most of all, I miss calling you Daddy and relying on you for life advise.
You were my greatest mentor. You rescued me in my darkest and dumbest moments and for that I cannot thank you enough for EVERYTHING you’ve done for me.
Daddy, you were truly a gem – a man who was always helpful, so full of life and ALWAYS smiling. Words cannot describe what an awesome man you have been during your 65 years of life and this for the great man you were, no one can ever come close to being like you. Absolutely no one. They just don’t make men like you anymore Daddy. I want to write more about you, the man who has done so much for me, for his grand-daughter and my marriage and one day I will sit down and do that in your honor/memory.
For now, I am a very broken and lost person for I”ve lost just about the greatest person on this earth and I’m just wondering, how does one deal with something like this? How to go on in life??
It is something I’m struggling with so badly every day and it just about hurts every millisecond of the day.
Sometimes this just feels like a really bad dream where I”m waiting to wake up…..will someone please put me out of my misery and wake me up and tell me it was just all a bad dream, please?
Daddy, I know you’re looking from up there (and laughing at how we sing the hymns so badly during prayers - we’re trying and will do anything for you Dad), I just want you to know, thank you for being YOU, for guiding me at every step of the way on this shitty thing called life, for worrying about us all the time (even when you didn’t have to but hey, that’s a father’s job you say) and for being the absolutely greatest Father a girl could ever have….I am eternally grateful to you and I must have done something right in my past life to have you as my Father and if there’s one thing for certain in life, I have and will always love you , a million lifes over.
And until the day we meet again, you will always be loved and remembered. Forever and Always. Our only consolation for now is, you’re up there with your mom, dad, brother and uncles…..say hello to them for me esp to Amma (grandma) for I’ve missed her immensely and I know you’re in good hands with her around for you even saw and called out to her before you left.
I cannot wait to be reunited with you though I know its going to be a long painful journey for us since life will be so empty without you around Daddy.
I love you to the moon and back.
Your Eldest Daughter
11 days of not blogging!
I’m currently laptop-less since my pink lappie got temporary snatched away from me by the very person who bought it for me – well you know men, one minute they’re buying you stuff, the next they’re asking it back from you! I used to do all my blogging there esp when Sairah was fast asleep. But now that I”m laptop less, I have to depend on using the desktop which is far away from our bed room and I guess the only time I can squeeze in to blog (or rather ATTEMPT to) is when Sairah is happily playing downstairs where the desktop is. And I’ll be damn lucky if she’s actually busy playing and NOT pestering me with her thousand and one questions!
ABSOLUTELY TRUE (and annoying!), why this, why that, why why why!
With all the questions they ask, wonder why they don’t turn into a walking encylopedia by the time they hit 18?! That way, they wouldn’t need to go to Uni and can save us thousands of $!
Fine. I kid. Very un-motherly thing to say, but it’s a damn good thought you gotta agree, heh.
Anyway, please bear with me for a bit if I only am able to blog once or twice (IF i’m lucky) for the time being as it really takes extra effort and many times I find myself blogging bit by bit before getting distrupted – mommy I want you, mommy I want to pee, mommy I want to poo poo, mommy I want water, mommy I want to pee again, mommy what are you doing, mommy, what is this and that, mommy…err mommy, oh I forget…mommieeeeee!! I could freaking go on but I think I must have already drove half you crazy with that.
And then there’s the subject of craving for normalacy which we’ve been lacking in the past few months. If I could turn back time so everything would go back to where it was, I would.
But for now as they say, toughen up lil soldier! Am praying for the best.
With Sairah’s father leaving us, things have been a lil different. I’m now the father AND the mother to my baby girl. When we go out to the mall or have lunch/dinner, the only person I have with me is my lil girl.
Who was also my lunch date on Valentine’s Day. It was as romantic as romantic gets with serious discussion about the future of our country and high rates of crime around KL Helped there were no tantrums to deal with and she had agreed with everything I had to say before that dreaded, BUT WHY question
Every conversation needs to end with a ‘but why’ thesedays. You have to go sleep now. But why. Shall we eat. But why.
Of course, her daddy decided to make a lil card to show us how much he’s missing us on this special day. So I guess every day is Valentine’s Day for him since he misses us everyday? Now that’s a thought
But it’s all not that bad being hubby/daddy-less – Sairah and I have gotten so damn close that we’re starting to look like sisters hanging out now
Okay, imma pushing it a lil perhaps. But yea, we’re very close and I’m grateful for this opportunity to create a strong bond together.
Anyway, we first went to the Sofia The First preview some months ago and ever since then Sairah has grown into a HUGE Sofia fan! Then again, just a few months ago she was crazy over Doc McStuffin! She has memorized every song, can repeat every conversation from the cartoon (since they do bloody repeat the same episode every morning!) and even walks like Sofia when she’s wearing a dress.
So naturally the next thing for me to do was to get her a doll. Not just any doll but a Sofia The First Singing Doll because I knew this would make her absolutely nuts!
Aight, I just had take someone to the bathroom coz she wanted to poo and when we got there – NADA! Story of my life
The doll does not resemble Sofia 100% but to a true Sofia The First fan, it obviously doesn’t matter coz she’s still ’sooo prettty’ and still is decked in a tiara, and in her signature gorgeous flowly purple dress with her amulet and best of all, she sings too!
Mr Postman came early this morning to delivery this special parcel for a very special princess…
And as you can see, the look on her face was absolutely priceless!! I told her this was a Valentine’s Day gift from her daddy, considering I took all the effort to find this doll for her but hey, that’s what wives usually do isn’t it? Make their hubbies look good.
O.M.G – SOFIAAAAA!
She started squealing in delight like what most girls do, lol
Standard must-hold-onto-heart pose when given a favorable gift….be still my beating heart.
Oh mai, you shouldn’t have…
But you did, and I’m HAPPY!
This is the start of a beautiffulll friendship Sofia
Muax! I’m gonna love you long time.
She turned around to me and said this is the ‘best gift everrrr’ not before proclaiming moi as the ‘best mother everrr’, LOL so hey, I guess this kid just knows when it is the mother’s effort but daddy’s money for securing this :D
Sofia next to her other favorite Chop Chop doll from Hi-5 show. Also bought thanks to her mother As you can tell, we’re I’m big on getting her dolls from her favorite shows! Definitely makes her happy and as any mother will tell you – there’s always a huge pleasure that comes with making your child happy and seeing that look of excitement on their face.
Sofia The First Singing Doll retails for USD29.50. I got it off this local seller who had shipped it in from the Disney Store for RM140 (ready stock purchase, woots) but I do believe she’s having a spree from Disney store which is a total heaven for Disney fans (and other US stores too) incase any momma is keen. Just get the hubby to pay
Till the next post! Over and out! Till then, tell me you’ve missed me, coz I’ve missed you guys.
Sharing the final remaining photos of Kodaikanal and some of the places you should visit if you’re thinking of heading that way. Its interesting to know that when I showed some relatives these photos, they never in a million years guessed this was in India!
First stop: Coaker’s Walk
And yes its tempting to pronouce it in a very crude manner
Cocker’s Coaker’s Walk is basically a narrow pedestrian path which was constructed in 1872. Its a one kilometer mountain road which runs along the edge of steep slopes.
When you see this, you’re at the right place.
I gotta admit, the view from here is absolutely stunning.
You can see most of Kodai from up here
On the left, you see half of the city…almost reminds me of Santorini, well almost (a girl can imagine and dream for dreams do come true, sometimes!)
And on the right, you see nothing but vivid greens
Along the path way there were little booths set up selling lil tricklets and what not and guess who made a quick stop to shop (hey its rhymes!) and insisted she pick up a few pieces for herself.
Very pretty handmade earrings with gorgeous variety of colors which were dirt cheap.
Mommy and baby with the stunning view of Kodai at the back
Look ma, we’re like the angels up in the clouds
Man, just look at that clear blue skies and those soft white fluffy clouds…makes me want to sit and float on em while eating cotton candy!
And a shot with Daddy and Baby. I know you’re still staring at those clouds. And thinking of cotton candy.
Churches are abudance here in Kodaikanal considering this hilltop area was established by the American Christian missionaries and British bureaucrats in 1845.
I’m not sure which Church we visited but I know for a fact its old enough. Sorry ah, these brains are getting a lil rusty
No idea why Sairah is pulling a ANTM pose here, lol
Outside the church.
Next stop: Pillar Rock
Pillar Rock in a nut shell is a three giant rock pillar which stand 400ft high. Very the straight forward place this one, lol. The viewpoint is simply amazing, just like Coaker’s Walk.
Now this scene right here would almost look like we’re in New Zealand or something if it wasn’t for the annehs looming around behind
All of a sudden I”m reminded of this song that goes ‘move bittccch get out my way’, LOL
But look, isnt this sooo pretty???! Esp without people around it.
Knock knock, knocking on heaven’s dooorrr
Would have made a nice photo if it wasn’t for an uninvited guest in the shot. But I think when in India, photobombing is just bound to happen
And yet another one.
Of course no trip to India is completely without temple visits. It would be a sin not to go!
Sairah making a donation, bless my baby girl.
This is the Kurinji Andavar Temple which I like to call a temple with a view and for reasons you will see below. This temple is a famous shrine dedicated to Lord Muruga and is associated with the Kurinji flower which carpets the hill side and blooms once in 12 years.
What can I say except this temple was extremely peaceful and serene and I can almost feel that my prayers will be answered. *rubs tummy* hah, okay I kid!
Check out the boobie mountains behind, I”m thinking 36DD y’all.
And then there is Poombarai – a village you could say that was the highlight trip, at least for me. This is basically a village located in Palani Hills about 18kms away from Kodai. To get there, you have to pass a forest which curves through small lanes for a good one hour. For lucky people like us, we get to ride in a car, but for those living in the village, they walk for hours. The journey there nevertheless was absolutely scenic.
See the villages down there? That’s Poombarai, with a population of about 1-2k people only, living by the hills and making do with what little life has to offer there.
You can’t expect much when you get there…there are no clean toilets, there are no proper roads, there are no proper water, because its one of those places that will make you count your blessings. The little things that we often take for granted. Nevertheless you will feel more than welcomed here because people are warm and friendly and just happy to see new faces. I saw a bunch of kids literally studying while sitted on the road under the hot sun because their school was still work in progress and that made me admire their drive for life which we all take for granted sometimes. I do believe, it is when you have more in life, that’s when you start taking the small things for granted. And its always the small thing that gets forgotten isn’t it?
Agriculture is how what most people here do. They cultivate potatoes, english vegetables but their main source of income is by harvesting garlic.
The women here are a force to be reckoned with, because they work so damn hard, most times carrying heavy buckets full of harvest over their heads, never once complaining. And to think they do this for a mere few rupees just to make ends meet and will do the same thing over and over again for the rest of their lives. Without.a.single.complain.
We visited the clinic where my FIL volunteers himself once a week to give free medical treatment to these villagers here. And to hear their struggle to get to bigger hospitals during an emergency is quite heart-breaking.
Baby girl attempting to play the sitar.
In this little village also lays the Kuzhanthai Velappar Temple which has an amazing three thousand years of history and has been dubbed one of Kodaikanal’s holliest and powerful temple.
Hubby inspecting the age of the stones
And I gotta admit, the backdrop scene at the temple was absolutely soothing, which reminded me a little of the favelas in Brazil. A real out there far-fetch comparison but please let me have my moments okay?!
I can be anywhere I want to be if I just close my eyes and really believe in it
“The traveler sees what he sees. The tourist sees what he has come to see.” – G.K Chesterton.
Sairah once again sending her prayers and important message to HIM. And in style I should add, heh.
And that’s the end of my little tour of Kodaikanal and places you should visit :)
I shall leave you with this red ixora flowers, just because the world needs more flowers and red for passion and L.O.V.E.
Oh and not forgetting a photo of a Subway outlet, spotted in Kodai town
AND drumroll….a photo of a very suprised face of a man who couldn’t believe there’s freaking Dominos in Kodaikanal!
That is all.
I would say wiser too but its rather subjective don’t you think?
Gong Xi Gong Xi!
Hope its not too late to give our sincere wishes. Sairah managed to rock her same outfit for 3 years in a row now. Talk about maximizing its worth.
This is mah Chun Li look, haik!
Anyway, on the last Saturday of January, le hubby turned old. Like all of 36 ok! That’s like almost close to being 40! Of course I have no qualms sharing his age since its not MY age And as I mentioned before, if a man still looks young for his age, then props have to be given to the wife for keeping him happy and stress-free, hehe.
For the first time EVER, we decided to do breakfast on his birthday. It was indeed something new and different considering we’re not big on breakfast or waking up early!
Decided on Milk & Butter, a place a friend introduced to me and I have visited them all of 3 times now because its not an over-rated restaurant like Antipodean, cough, which is located just opposite. I can never understand how people esp Malaysians can just line up under the hot scorching sun (what is up with the heat past few days eh) for food. And on top of that, pay premium prices?
Anyho, interior is pretty cosy esp the cool looking whisk they use as lights.
Baby and Daddy shot. Believe it or not, Sairah picked out her own outfit since it was ‘daddy’s birthday’ and took her own effort to match her accessories with her dress. Gotta say, kid’s got good taste, just like her mom I believe
That shocked look! I don’t think he was expecting any gift since his wife is jobless and all now *shifty eyes*
Lookie look what we have here, like as though the paper bag didn’t already give it away.
And that wrapper…
Its been a while since he got himself Perry Ellis’s Reserve and I just LOVE this scent on him, its masculine and sexy at the same time….like what a real man should smell like
Anneh just cannot wait to spray himself a manly man scent :) I am finally a MAN now.
Yea, so the wifey takes the trouble to buy his gift and the baby gets the thank you kiss. So typical when you have a kid.
Okay, so what next?
Why lets have some brunch people!
I went for the Hazelnut Latte, and its become a favorite drink here. Coffee is smooth and the hazelnut latte taste lingers well in the mouth after a sip. Mmmm….hazelnut latte.
We both went for the Standard Breakfast which is only priced at RM14…by far the cheapest breakfast set in Bangsar vicinity. Trust me to love this You may add on sausages which is priced around RM7 for 3 pieces. Milk & Butter does offer a few other Breakfast-y option which all sounds yummy on the menu. Be still my greedy tummy.
Before they start digging in…
And that look right after a cookie goes into her mouth. So typical of Sairah
I told her she was once again killing Timmy for that lamb sausage. But did she care, NO, coz she gave me the thumbs up later and said Timmy tasted GOOD!
Later that night we went for dinner with my parents and cousins and went back to my aunt’s place to cut his Birthday cake. And as much as you can be OLD, a present is something no one will ever say no to no matter how old you are, heh.
Got good recommendation for his Hazelnut Crunch cake from Beyond Veggie from my Hot Momma friends and I have to say – best decision on a birthday cake. Cake was amazingly heavenly and perfect to usher him turning 36, hazelnut and all. What is my obsession with hazelnuts man! Mmm Nutella.
Once again, trust a kid to blow out the candle thinking its her birthday.
And to cut it too.
A family shot.
And that seal of approval from the cake monster herself. Nothing beats a damn good cake on a birthday to celebrate a year turning older I tell ya.
Turning a year older aside, they say life only starts at 40 but I”d like to think 36 is the new 40 :) Because this is the year the hubby has decided to take a HUGE leap of faith in something he believes in. In other words, he is finally pursuing his our dream and yes people, its a BIG change.
Announcement coming up soon, unless of course you’d like to guess it It’s an extremely nutty one. Go ahead!